This blog is therapy for me. Why do I always stop writing in it? I just re-read some old posts and realized there is so much between the last one and now. However, since I didn't write it down, I don't have the journey. I hate that. The whole purpose of this blog is to be able to look back and see the journey.
I can't complain too much though. Life is good. Busy, but good.
So, where am I now? Not in the place of being in a funk after the half, that's for sure. I'm back into my routine and have some fresh encouragement to keep me going. I'm eating super healthy and am trying to lose 10 pounds. I've lost 1 so far, but I'm doing it right. If it takes longer I'm okay with that.
I am going to try harder to write here. It's important for me to look back and see my struggles and accomplishments.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Lost my way
When I got back from the Princess Half I completely fell apart. I stopped going to the gym and didn't work out at all. I was really frustrated, but could not get myself out of bed in the morning.
I've gone back to the gym two days this week and hope I'm on the road back. I've spent some time thinking about what happened (I seem to be doing that a lot lately!). I think most of it was just post race let-down. It was hard training for the half, not to mention the injury frustration. I think the whole Florida trip also exhaused me. My kids were sick almost the whole time and we came back on a Sunday. That was harder than I expected. (I just unpacked last weekend!).
I also think part of what makes me get up and go in the morning is having a goal. Right now, I have no goal. I'm doing the Iron Girl again in August, and I'm playing with the idea of running a marathon in the fall. I also got 12 sessions with a personal trainer for my birthday. I'm so psyched, but I haven't begun yet because my heart is just not into working out. I'm really trying to formulate a plan. I'm hoping that by the beginning of next week I'll have something written down and a new spring in my step.
I've gone back to the gym two days this week and hope I'm on the road back. I've spent some time thinking about what happened (I seem to be doing that a lot lately!). I think most of it was just post race let-down. It was hard training for the half, not to mention the injury frustration. I think the whole Florida trip also exhaused me. My kids were sick almost the whole time and we came back on a Sunday. That was harder than I expected. (I just unpacked last weekend!).
I also think part of what makes me get up and go in the morning is having a goal. Right now, I have no goal. I'm doing the Iron Girl again in August, and I'm playing with the idea of running a marathon in the fall. I also got 12 sessions with a personal trainer for my birthday. I'm so psyched, but I haven't begun yet because my heart is just not into working out. I'm really trying to formulate a plan. I'm hoping that by the beginning of next week I'll have something written down and a new spring in my step.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
My thoughts on success
I posted this on my blog on sparkpeople.com on March 17th. Thought I'd put it here too- just so I can remind myself about the thoughts that were going through my head.
I can't believe it's been over a week since the race. I just got back from Florida on Sunday and am trying to get back into my routine. It hasn't been easy. My whole family has battled the flu these last few weeks (including my daughter throwing up in the car at 3am on the drive to FL!). So, even though Florida was our vacation- it wasn't the best we've ever had.
I have so many thoughts about the whole race experience and like others, feel like I could write a book. This was my first half and I have to say the most emotionally draining race I've done. When it was all said and done, the biggest thing I learned was how running is so mental. I've always know that, but never struggled with it quite so much before.
I was feeling great about the race until a week before when I injured my calf. I had set some lofty goals for myself and was really planning on pushing myself. I had to throw those goals out the window when I got hurt. This is where the mental battle began. "Would I still be successful if I didn't meet my goal"? As I got closer to the race and my calf didn't feel better my thoughts turned into "would I be a failure if I didn't finish"? I have another blog and the quote at the top of the page is by John Bingham: "The miracle isn't that I finished, it's that I had the courage to start." I love that quote, but I've never really thought too deeply about it. In the weeks before the race there were several of us struggling and this quote stayed with me.
I sent a lot of time thinking about what defines success. After some soul searching I realized that I don't agree with the Webster dictionary definition which is a "favorable or desired outcome". Well, my desired outcome was that I finish in a certain amount of time. Was I a failure if that didn't happen? I don't think so.
Here's what I think about success: It doesn't matter what time I finish in or if I walk or even if I finish at all. Not that I don't think you shouldn't set goals for yourself- it's what motivates me to push myself and define my limits. But what really matters is the that I try my hardest with whatever I have on that day. I am successful because I tried to do something that stretched me. I set a goal and trained for it and pushed myself. I got off the couch and committed to making my life healthier.
The success is in the process; it's in the trying; it's in having the courage to start.
I can't believe it's been over a week since the race. I just got back from Florida on Sunday and am trying to get back into my routine. It hasn't been easy. My whole family has battled the flu these last few weeks (including my daughter throwing up in the car at 3am on the drive to FL!). So, even though Florida was our vacation- it wasn't the best we've ever had.
I have so many thoughts about the whole race experience and like others, feel like I could write a book. This was my first half and I have to say the most emotionally draining race I've done. When it was all said and done, the biggest thing I learned was how running is so mental. I've always know that, but never struggled with it quite so much before.
I was feeling great about the race until a week before when I injured my calf. I had set some lofty goals for myself and was really planning on pushing myself. I had to throw those goals out the window when I got hurt. This is where the mental battle began. "Would I still be successful if I didn't meet my goal"? As I got closer to the race and my calf didn't feel better my thoughts turned into "would I be a failure if I didn't finish"? I have another blog and the quote at the top of the page is by John Bingham: "The miracle isn't that I finished, it's that I had the courage to start." I love that quote, but I've never really thought too deeply about it. In the weeks before the race there were several of us struggling and this quote stayed with me.
I sent a lot of time thinking about what defines success. After some soul searching I realized that I don't agree with the Webster dictionary definition which is a "favorable or desired outcome". Well, my desired outcome was that I finish in a certain amount of time. Was I a failure if that didn't happen? I don't think so.
Here's what I think about success: It doesn't matter what time I finish in or if I walk or even if I finish at all. Not that I don't think you shouldn't set goals for yourself- it's what motivates me to push myself and define my limits. But what really matters is the that I try my hardest with whatever I have on that day. I am successful because I tried to do something that stretched me. I set a goal and trained for it and pushed myself. I got off the couch and committed to making my life healthier.
The success is in the process; it's in the trying; it's in having the courage to start.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Race Update
Before I post my race report, I want to say I don't think I have compartmental syndrom anymore. I think something is wrong with my calf, but I think it's more like a strained or torn muscle.
Now that that's out of the way.... This is going to be long, but I want to include everything. I had such an emotional week going into the race- I want to remember everything.
I decided to stop running the week before the half to rest my calf. It really hurt. I also decided not to mess with it for the first few days to completely rest it. I was not encouraged driving down to Florida. It was still sore to the touch.
We arrived Wednesday afternoon and unpacked and swam. My kids had the flu and one of my daughters threw up in the car on the way. Not fun! Friday morning I went for a 3 mile run and it was terrible. My calf started hurting at 1 mile and I was just about in tears when I was done. How was I going to run 10 more? We went to the expo at noon and my emotions were all over the place. On a happy note- I bought a great running skirt and broke all the rules and wore it for the race. It felt great. I was planning on getting a "Stick" and the guy at the booth massaged my calf out for me. He said he could feel the knot in my calf and told me to keep working on it until the race. It actually felt better when he was done. I felt a little more encouraged after that. My mom also gave me some arthritis cream to put on it. At that point I was willing to try anything.
Friday night was the worst. I couldn't sleep because I was so anxious. My leg was throbbing even when I did nothing. I think I got a few hours of sleep at the maximum. We left the house at 6 for the 5K and kids races. They were at Epcot in the same place as the half would be. I saw the stands and finish line where I would be the next day. It made me super nervous. At the start of the 5K I had tears in my eyes. I think it was mostly because of my fear for the next day.
Everyone did great in the 5K and kids races. My two youngest daughters had the flu full force and the little one didn't want to run. I told her she wouldn't get a medal if I had to carry her and luckily, she agreed to run while holding my hand. It was sweet. We went back to my parents and swam and rested.
I got all my stuff together Saturday night and went to bed. My leg was feeling pretty good. The knot was still there, but barely. I started having hopes that I could finish. My husband was planning to taking all the girls to the race, but we decided to leave the little two home because they had fevers. It turned out they all stayed home because the big two were too tired to get up at 4:45 AM! My youngest woke up 4 times coughing that night. I tried very hard not to get mad at my husband who slept through it all.
Race day- I woke up at 4:15 and ate some summer oatmeal with peanut butter. I decided to skip my normal coffee. I got my bag and my husbands bag together and off we went. (I loaded my husband down with everything I might need- Body Glide, Body Glide Heat, BioFreeze, arthritis cream- I told him to be prepared to hand me anything at a seconds notice!). We got to Epcot around 5:45 and walked around a little. I realized I forgot to put Body Glide on my toes so off came the shoes and socks. He headed to the monorail after that and I started the long walk to the start line.
I met two frinds from sparkpeople there and it was great to talk to them. It really took my mind off the race. My strategy was to start out slow and see how it felt. I approached the race in three parts- two 5 milers and a 5K. If I was feeling good after 10 miles I would push the last 5K. It was dark and cold (relatively) outside and weird to start running in the dark.
My first mile was effortless. I had to weave around some people (walking at mile 1?). I forgot to press the split button on my watch, but I think it was around a 10+ minute mile. I felt good all the way to mile 9 when my calf cramped a little. By this time it was hot and sunny and I was facing the only hills on the course. (They're actually road ramps but they were pretty steep.) By mile 10 I knew I couldn't push the last 3 miles. I wasn't hurting, but I was content to keep the same pace. I saw that I could possibly finish in under 2 hours but I would have to run each mile at under a 9 minute pace. I had a hard time figuring out the last mile. It was twisty and I couldn't tell where the finish was. When I finally spotted it I sprinted. I was just shy of the 2 hour mark at 2:00:23.
At first I was disappointed, but then I realized what a miracle it was that I finished. I got teary when they put my medal round my neck- realizing how close I came to not making it. This was such an emotional race experience for me. I've had some time to reflect on the whole experience, but that wil have to be another post.
Now that that's out of the way.... This is going to be long, but I want to include everything. I had such an emotional week going into the race- I want to remember everything.
I decided to stop running the week before the half to rest my calf. It really hurt. I also decided not to mess with it for the first few days to completely rest it. I was not encouraged driving down to Florida. It was still sore to the touch.
We arrived Wednesday afternoon and unpacked and swam. My kids had the flu and one of my daughters threw up in the car on the way. Not fun! Friday morning I went for a 3 mile run and it was terrible. My calf started hurting at 1 mile and I was just about in tears when I was done. How was I going to run 10 more? We went to the expo at noon and my emotions were all over the place. On a happy note- I bought a great running skirt and broke all the rules and wore it for the race. It felt great. I was planning on getting a "Stick" and the guy at the booth massaged my calf out for me. He said he could feel the knot in my calf and told me to keep working on it until the race. It actually felt better when he was done. I felt a little more encouraged after that. My mom also gave me some arthritis cream to put on it. At that point I was willing to try anything.
Friday night was the worst. I couldn't sleep because I was so anxious. My leg was throbbing even when I did nothing. I think I got a few hours of sleep at the maximum. We left the house at 6 for the 5K and kids races. They were at Epcot in the same place as the half would be. I saw the stands and finish line where I would be the next day. It made me super nervous. At the start of the 5K I had tears in my eyes. I think it was mostly because of my fear for the next day.
Everyone did great in the 5K and kids races. My two youngest daughters had the flu full force and the little one didn't want to run. I told her she wouldn't get a medal if I had to carry her and luckily, she agreed to run while holding my hand. It was sweet. We went back to my parents and swam and rested.
I got all my stuff together Saturday night and went to bed. My leg was feeling pretty good. The knot was still there, but barely. I started having hopes that I could finish. My husband was planning to taking all the girls to the race, but we decided to leave the little two home because they had fevers. It turned out they all stayed home because the big two were too tired to get up at 4:45 AM! My youngest woke up 4 times coughing that night. I tried very hard not to get mad at my husband who slept through it all.
Race day- I woke up at 4:15 and ate some summer oatmeal with peanut butter. I decided to skip my normal coffee. I got my bag and my husbands bag together and off we went. (I loaded my husband down with everything I might need- Body Glide, Body Glide Heat, BioFreeze, arthritis cream- I told him to be prepared to hand me anything at a seconds notice!). We got to Epcot around 5:45 and walked around a little. I realized I forgot to put Body Glide on my toes so off came the shoes and socks. He headed to the monorail after that and I started the long walk to the start line.
I met two frinds from sparkpeople there and it was great to talk to them. It really took my mind off the race. My strategy was to start out slow and see how it felt. I approached the race in three parts- two 5 milers and a 5K. If I was feeling good after 10 miles I would push the last 5K. It was dark and cold (relatively) outside and weird to start running in the dark.
My first mile was effortless. I had to weave around some people (walking at mile 1?). I forgot to press the split button on my watch, but I think it was around a 10+ minute mile. I felt good all the way to mile 9 when my calf cramped a little. By this time it was hot and sunny and I was facing the only hills on the course. (They're actually road ramps but they were pretty steep.) By mile 10 I knew I couldn't push the last 3 miles. I wasn't hurting, but I was content to keep the same pace. I saw that I could possibly finish in under 2 hours but I would have to run each mile at under a 9 minute pace. I had a hard time figuring out the last mile. It was twisty and I couldn't tell where the finish was. When I finally spotted it I sprinted. I was just shy of the 2 hour mark at 2:00:23.
At first I was disappointed, but then I realized what a miracle it was that I finished. I got teary when they put my medal round my neck- realizing how close I came to not making it. This was such an emotional race experience for me. I've had some time to reflect on the whole experience, but that wil have to be another post.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Highs and Lows
I had the best run last week. I knew I should have posted about it right away. It was last Wednesday. I was scheduled to do an 8 mile run with 6 miles at an 8:27 pace. I decided to run an 8:40 just to mentally prepare myself for the race. Here's what I did: 1 mile warm-up/ 2 miles at 8:40, 1 mile at 8:32/ 1 mile at 8:27/ 1 mile at 8:32/ 1 mile starting at 8:32 but moving as fast as 8:20/ 1 mile cool-down.
I felt great afterwards! I was really encouraged that I'm ready for this race and able to meet my goal of running an 8:40 pace.
Now for the low..... my left calf started hurting on Thursday. I figured it was just from the hard workout. It felt like there was a knot in it. I massaged it and stretched it. It was still sore on Friday. Yesterday I ran 11 miles. I could feel the tightness right from the start but ran slow and steady. My calf cramped around mile 8- kind of like a charlie horse. Sort of like a burning sensation shooting up my leg. It only lasted a few seconds. I was able to run through it. It happened 2 more times. By the time I was done, I was very tired. I avereaged a 10 minute pace. When I got home I took a shower and then put Body Glide heat on it. I noticed a huge bruise on my calf. It doesn't really hurt when I touch it. I don't know if it was there before the run, or if the run caused it.
I'm somewhat panicking. I researched a little on line and I think I might have compartmental syndrome. Apparently it takes forever to get an accurate diagnosis. Well, I don't have forever! My race is a week from today and now I'm afraid I won't even be able to finish. I figure if my calf starts cramping around 8 miles, I've got 5 miles to deal with the pain. I'm not really that worried about the pain, I'm worried about the damage I might be doing to myself. If the run caused the bruising, what in the world is causing it?
Right now I figure all I can do is take the week completely off. I'm going to do deep tissue massage, take anti-inflamatiory drugs, eat bananas and start stretching in a few days. (oh yeah- and PRAY!) I'm okay with not finishing well, I'm just concerned about the long term damage.
I felt great afterwards! I was really encouraged that I'm ready for this race and able to meet my goal of running an 8:40 pace.
Now for the low..... my left calf started hurting on Thursday. I figured it was just from the hard workout. It felt like there was a knot in it. I massaged it and stretched it. It was still sore on Friday. Yesterday I ran 11 miles. I could feel the tightness right from the start but ran slow and steady. My calf cramped around mile 8- kind of like a charlie horse. Sort of like a burning sensation shooting up my leg. It only lasted a few seconds. I was able to run through it. It happened 2 more times. By the time I was done, I was very tired. I avereaged a 10 minute pace. When I got home I took a shower and then put Body Glide heat on it. I noticed a huge bruise on my calf. It doesn't really hurt when I touch it. I don't know if it was there before the run, or if the run caused it.
I'm somewhat panicking. I researched a little on line and I think I might have compartmental syndrome. Apparently it takes forever to get an accurate diagnosis. Well, I don't have forever! My race is a week from today and now I'm afraid I won't even be able to finish. I figure if my calf starts cramping around 8 miles, I've got 5 miles to deal with the pain. I'm not really that worried about the pain, I'm worried about the damage I might be doing to myself. If the run caused the bruising, what in the world is causing it?
Right now I figure all I can do is take the week completely off. I'm going to do deep tissue massage, take anti-inflamatiory drugs, eat bananas and start stretching in a few days. (oh yeah- and PRAY!) I'm okay with not finishing well, I'm just concerned about the long term damage.
Monday, February 23, 2009
5 workouts left!
I really need to post here more often. I've actually posted on my board at Sparkpeople.com, but this one is just for me. I re-read my last post and a lot has happened since then.
First- shoes. What a saga that was. I tried the second pair out again and actually did fine with them and decided to keep them. I was feeling a little pressure from my DH (not intentional on his part), because the owner of the running store spent so much time with me. I figured they'd be fine. Well, I was wrong. The first time I took them on the road for a 4 mile run I got horrible shin splints on the opposite side of my leg that I usually do. It's the same type of pain I used to have when I started running. I went back to the store (on the owners day off- chicken!) and got the new version of my old shoes- Nike Structure Triax. I'm happy to report they are great. All shin pain is gone and I've had two long runs that went well. It sure is good to be beyone that.
I'm feeling pretty good about where I am right now. I'm really going to work on strengthing myself mentally. I've realized that's where I really struggle. I know I have my limits physically, but I feel like I don't even let myself get there because I psych myself out. I remember in field hockey we used to do this mental visualization which I thought was pretty silly at the time, but I'm going to try it now. If I can see myself finishing my race strong I know it will go a long way to getting myself to believe I can do it.
My last 5 workouts: Wed- 8 mile run- 6 miles at an 8:28 pace
Thurs- 2 miles at a 9:45 pace
Saturday- 11 miles at a 9:45 pace
Monday- 2 miles very easy
Wednesday- 5 miles- 3 at 8:30 pace
We leave for Floriday early Thursday morning and I'll probably go for a short slow run on Friday morning just to get used to the heat and stretch out my legs after a very long car ride.
First- shoes. What a saga that was. I tried the second pair out again and actually did fine with them and decided to keep them. I was feeling a little pressure from my DH (not intentional on his part), because the owner of the running store spent so much time with me. I figured they'd be fine. Well, I was wrong. The first time I took them on the road for a 4 mile run I got horrible shin splints on the opposite side of my leg that I usually do. It's the same type of pain I used to have when I started running. I went back to the store (on the owners day off- chicken!) and got the new version of my old shoes- Nike Structure Triax. I'm happy to report they are great. All shin pain is gone and I've had two long runs that went well. It sure is good to be beyone that.
I'm feeling pretty good about where I am right now. I'm really going to work on strengthing myself mentally. I've realized that's where I really struggle. I know I have my limits physically, but I feel like I don't even let myself get there because I psych myself out. I remember in field hockey we used to do this mental visualization which I thought was pretty silly at the time, but I'm going to try it now. If I can see myself finishing my race strong I know it will go a long way to getting myself to believe I can do it.
My last 5 workouts: Wed- 8 mile run- 6 miles at an 8:28 pace
Thurs- 2 miles at a 9:45 pace
Saturday- 11 miles at a 9:45 pace
Monday- 2 miles very easy
Wednesday- 5 miles- 3 at 8:30 pace
We leave for Floriday early Thursday morning and I'll probably go for a short slow run on Friday morning just to get used to the heat and stretch out my legs after a very long car ride.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Fear/Doubt
What a difference a week (or so) makes. In my last post I was flying high from my successful speed workout. I wish I was still in that place. Right now I'd have to admit I'm full of fear and self-doubt. What has happened since then? a lot and a little.
I'm having issues with my calves again. It was manageable and I was stretching them regularly. I went to get new shoes last week and decided to ask if I should consider a new brand. I've been thinking about this for a while. It just doesn't make sense that all of a sudden the shoes aren't working for me. I've worn the same brand for over 6 years. I talked to the owner for a long time and he gave me two different shoes to try out- a more stabil pair and a cushoning pair. I learned right away the cushoning pair is not what I need- and really hurt my legs in the process. The stability pair was great- except that something about them makes my toes rub together. By the end of my 4.5 mile run my toes were bleeding. So... I'm back at where I started. Do I get new shoes or just stick with my old brand?? I'm going back in on Tuesday to make that decision. I wouldn't be so stressed, but my half marathon is 4 weeks from today. I don't want to be messing with my legs when I'm staring down 10 and 11 mile long runs on the weekends.
Speaking of long runs- I'm very much doubting my goal of running an 8:40 pace for my half marathon. I'm averaging about a 9:40 pace on my long runs. I'm not exactly killing myself and I'm running a very hilly course, but I can't imagine running that much faster. I've got to try really hard not to let my mind control my body here. I don't want to psych myself out of it before I even start! I've got 14 workouts left and I'm going to try my hardest to focus on my goal.
I'm having issues with my calves again. It was manageable and I was stretching them regularly. I went to get new shoes last week and decided to ask if I should consider a new brand. I've been thinking about this for a while. It just doesn't make sense that all of a sudden the shoes aren't working for me. I've worn the same brand for over 6 years. I talked to the owner for a long time and he gave me two different shoes to try out- a more stabil pair and a cushoning pair. I learned right away the cushoning pair is not what I need- and really hurt my legs in the process. The stability pair was great- except that something about them makes my toes rub together. By the end of my 4.5 mile run my toes were bleeding. So... I'm back at where I started. Do I get new shoes or just stick with my old brand?? I'm going back in on Tuesday to make that decision. I wouldn't be so stressed, but my half marathon is 4 weeks from today. I don't want to be messing with my legs when I'm staring down 10 and 11 mile long runs on the weekends.
Speaking of long runs- I'm very much doubting my goal of running an 8:40 pace for my half marathon. I'm averaging about a 9:40 pace on my long runs. I'm not exactly killing myself and I'm running a very hilly course, but I can't imagine running that much faster. I've got to try really hard not to let my mind control my body here. I don't want to psych myself out of it before I even start! I've got 14 workouts left and I'm going to try my hardest to focus on my goal.
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